I grew up suffering from anxiety and depression. Being completely sheltered by my mom from the world I had a hard time coping as I got older. I was afraid and intimidated by everything. One day I just-- had my opportunity to leave and I left and never turned back.
It took me probably 10 years to realize that I wasn't going to find what I was looking for anywhere 'out there' If I was angry-- I brought that with me wherever I went. If I had anxiety, it didn't go away just because I was at a beach. Stepping foot in the country for 12 hours and checking it off a list doesn't actually mean I 'experienced X Country'. It took me a long time to realize that.... not realize it.... FEEL it.
I still struggle a lot with that to this day. I know that I have to enjoy the journey not the destination. I know that I have to be happy and content with myself to feel that in a larger way in my life and relationships. But my grit and ambition has me always hard charging to the next destination or goal that I'm still speeding through life just trying to tread water. It's so hard to slow down and enjoy life.
One of the biggest things that has changed for me this year when I think about #intrepidlife is that it's not just-- swimming with sharks or skiing 15,000ft mountains. But making time to write a blog post at a local cafe, live in a home that brings me joy, encourage others, live a life to try and be an example... making everyday moments great.
What I fear the most now is that if I don't make a radical change in my life soon, I'm going to wake up and be 40 and the only thing I will be able to say about my life is that "I worked really hard every day" I love my job but that can't be all I am. I may never get married or have kids and the idea of not leaving an impact on this world is absolutely my biggest fear-- absolutely my biggest fear.